I was born to two sad, worldly people who had no hope. My mom maintained that she was an atheist because she was mad at God for letting her sister - the only family member she was close to - die in a car wreck. (Now that I am an adult, I find that hilarious. How can you be mad at someone you don't believe in?) My dad was simply a man busy meeting his own "needs" (read: philanderer). He left us when I was eight years old.
Even though my mother was "anti" God, she still had an incongruous sense of "holiness." For example, I remember once when I was six or seven that I had lost a toy hammer. I prayed for God to help me find it and BAMMO, there it was! I'm not really sure what happened, but at the time it seemed very clear to me that God had answered my childish prayer by dropping my toy right out of the sky. It was a miracle! When I excitedly told Mom about the incident, she got VERY upset. "You don't talk about God like THAT!" and she grabbed the toy hammer away from me. She wasn't so much upset that I was talking about God as that I was talking about God like THAT - as though He were personal and intimate and cared about a little seven year-old girl (or perhaps, her hurting mom.)
We also had a family Bible which was treated with GREAT respect by this woman who didn't believe in God, but was very afraid of angering this God who didn't exist. Ya know, I think what she really believed was that He did exist, but that He didn't pay any attention to you unless you made Him angry. She was mad at Him AND very afraid of Him.
At any rate, when I was three (or so I am told, I don't remember this personally), a friend of my mom's invited her and my dad to come visit her Baptist Church. My dad wasn't interested, but for some strange reason my mom decided to go. She slipped in quietly and perched on the very back row. Up until that day she had never been in a church except for a funeral, nor had she ever heard the Gospel. Naturally, she brought me with her. The hymns were sung, the sermon was preached. Then the pastor did something my mom had never seen before. He presented the Gospel and gave an altar call: "Have YOU been living in your trespasses and sins? Just ask Jesus into your heart and He will wash away all your sins and forgive you. Do YOU want new life and joy? Do YOU want Jesus in your heart?"
Well, I'm sad to say that my mom wasn't ready yet; she didn't understand it all. BUT, reportedly, I DID respond. And did I respond in a quiet, demure, shy manner? Of course not! I responded in truest Groovy form by leaping off my mama's lap and running up the aisle yelling (yes, yelling in church in 1966!) "I WANT JESUS! I WANT JESUS IN MY HEART!"
Oh! My poor Mother! She was positively mortified! Her plan had been to sneak out quietly right after the last "Amen," but now... Apparently the pastor prayed with me and then dismissed the service. Everyone was bubbling and laughing over the adorable (albeit loud) 3 year-old and they all headed straight for my dear ole mother to shake her limp hand and congratulate her etc. All that time her mind was racing wildly and her heart was pounding. All she wanted to do was grab me and get OUT. It was very traumatic for her! Needless to say, it was a looooooooong time before I ever got to church again!
We moved a lot when I was growing up and we did not go to church. But it seems that almost everywhere we lived God raised up a friend or neighbor who offered to take me to their church. I didn't go often, but I remember visiting here and there with those kind souls.
In the meantime, my dad was gone and my mom was thrown into a world of single parenthood. I became a latch-key kid while she worked anywhere from 1-3 jobs to keep us afloat. She joined "Parents Without Partners," and things took a real downhill slide for her in the "man" department. Her boyfriends were basically a long line of losers! Finally, she settled into a relationship with E.K. He was a REAL creep. He abused her and controlled her and told her if she ever bolted, he'd kill her. Thanks to his filthy influence, there was porn in our home. Softcore Playgirl, which my mom actually showed me and hardcore stuff hidden in the hall closet. She still doesn't know that I saw those. Nor does she know that my brain will forever bear those images!
Having had so little discipleship, and little moral guidance from my mom - she was still trying to figure that out herself - I slid into some very worldly philosophies and sensuality. When I was 11 years-old, my life goal was to become a Playboy Bunny! Fortunately, God had other plans!
Eventually, my mom grew so frightened of E.K. that she pulled out a map of the U.S.A. She had me close my eyes and point. My finger landed on Orlando, FL. She and I packed up our clothes and some personal items, bought (rented?) an RV and moved temporarily to Austin, Texas ...then to Orlando.
Although my moral moorings were confused and weak, I had a strong confidence that there was a God who heard me when I prayed. I had no Biblical understanding of Who He really was or how I fit into His plans, but in my own way, I trusted Him. He was faithful to not allow me to continue wandering in confusion.
In 7th grade a friend invited me to her church, Calvary Assembly of God in Winter Park, Florida. That's where everything began to change for me. As I went to the Jr. High "Rock House" meetings with her and then to "adult" church, God began opening my eyes. I began to see that God was more than a helpful friend to bail me out when I was in trouble, He was the Almighty, the Ruler, the King of all Kings. It was time for me to move beyond believing He existed for me, to believing that I existed for Him! I began to read the Bible on my own at home and listen to Christian music (Is WAJL still on the air?) I tried, clumsily, to put into practice the truths I learned at church and in the Rock House. God had begun to change me, to start that lifetime process of making me like Jesus in heart and mind and action.
Though I was far, FAR from the perfect teen, my mom couldn't help noticing the burgeoning metamorphosis. I was wearing more modest clothing, I wasn't as smart-mouthed with her (I had been a pretty bratty only-child until then!) I was insisting she get rid of the coffee mugs with our horoscope signs on them, I insisted that we pray over our meals, I talked about God and church and the Bible and "Did you know...(insert Bible teaching of your choice)?!?" At first she was scared that I was being brain-washed. I didn't know it until after the fact, but she actually had an appointment for me to meet with a counselor so I could be "deprogrammed!"
But before that meeting she decided to come to church with me one Sunday and see what was going on for herself. The first Sunday drew her right in and within a few weeks, she was even crazier than I was! She asked the Lord to wash away her sins, bought a Bible and started reading it. She quit smoking cold turkey and stopped drinking Wild Turkey. She wanted to be in that church any and every time the doors were open! We were baptized together a few weeks after she accepted Christ and she immediately put her spiritual gift of evangelism to work by LOUDLY telling EVERYONE in the restaurant after church that God had saved her and taken away her urge to smoke and wasn't that amazing and didn't they all want to come to church and get to know Him too ????!!!!!!!!!! We'd come full circle and now she was embarrassing me!
Over the years, we've both had our stumblings and our hic-cups and our rebellious moments, but even when we were faithless, HE remained faithful. He has not allowed either of us to walk away from His Love and Truth.
As the song says, "Although there were times I stepped out of His will, I've NEVER been out of His hands."
Sherry G
Maine
No comments:
Post a Comment